Miss U, You S A

March 6, 2013

When I move back from France, I know there are a lot of things I will miss. Good baguettes for one euro, everywhere. The sheer quantity and variety of cheese. Amazing and inexpensive wine, the fact that every apartment looks like a Shabby Chic photo shoot set (except mine).

Living here, I’ve noticed that there are some things I really miss about America beyond the obvious (dogs, family, friends, not necessarily in that order). Here is a short list:

1. Dental hygienists do not exist in France.
2. What do you mean I have to take all of my clothes off for the doctor to take my blood pressure? This seems unnecessary.
3. Letter size paper. I am forever accidentally printing letter size documents on A4 sized paper.
4. 4G. Technically 4G happened after I moved, but it exists there, and not here, and so I miss it by proxy.
5. HBO, Netflix, Hulu, free streaming from every network television website. I love you, Project Free TV, but I long for the days of DVR.
6. Television in general. French TV has an over abundance of shows where a bunch of people sit around a glass table under purple lighting in front of a studio audience and discuss issues to. no. end. Perhaps this is an extension of a philosophical tradition. I just want to watch Jeopardy.
7. Football, and I don’t even like football. I guess tailgating is really what I miss.
8. Goldfish crackers. Whole wheat cheddar Goldfish crackers.
9. Good Mexican and Asian food.
10. Holidays! Why do the French not do Halloween?? Why do they barely do Easter, and Valentine’s Day, and St. Patrick’s Day, and CHRISTMAS?? WHERE ARE THE DECORATIONS, PEOPLE
11. Common courtesy. Okay, okay, it’s the Latin passion for life that makes people pushy, impatient, and opportunistic. I don’t care. Do not cut in front of me in line, and please do not drive over me while I am crossing the street. Four words: Pedestrian. Right. Of. Way.
12. Customer service. Full stop.
13. Enthusiastic American advertising, especially those wild waving arm men at car dealerships and Olive Garden commercials.
14. Whole Foods
15. J. Crew
16. J. Crew


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